R.I.P Big Brother

Georgie Clark

Personally, I feel that Big Brother has been terrible since the Celebrity Big Brother of 2013, that contained the ever fabulous Louie Spence. It was an emotional thrill- ride of tears and bitchiness; a masterpiece, if you will.

This year, the only recognisable faces in the line up belong to Christopher Biggins and a woman from Geordie Shore. Now, I know there is more to life. I am totally aware that there are more pressing matters to write about, but the whole of Pluto feels that the matter deserves some kind of attention.

Remember Chloe Mafia? X- Factor AUDITIONEE from about seven years ago, who has suddenly acquired the chest of Pamela Anderson? She’s here. To join the gang, an unknown Youtuber from America, a ‘Mob Wife’ that is apparently not even a wife of the mob anymore and also a floppy haired TOWIE guy that has flashed his *ahem* about three times already. And we are only four episodes deep.

According to a recent survey, 500,000 people have already switched channels and moved on with their lives and, to be honest, I doubt this is a surprise to anybody. All of us had high hopes after the Juggernaut- sized car crash that was standard Big Brother. Cue Marco Pierre- White junior, making the entire nation uncomfortable with his handsy behaviour and seemingly unstable renditions of Justin Bieber. Throw in an equally handsy red- headed girl and all viewers were greeted with a show that was not possible to watch with your parents (I found out the hard way) and was borderline pornographic. Apart from that, there wasn’t really anything else to comment on.

The celebrities that the programme recruited were never dramatically well- known, but this year (aside from Biggins, obviously) could easily be some kind of prank. I feel that my high school Geography teacher would be more deserving of a slot on the line- up.

Big Brother needs to up its game, people. We need humans like Ru Paul, probably the most famous drag queen in the world, in there. Or what about Mindy Kaling, from the Mindy Project? Rainn Wilson, AKA Dwight from the US Office? And hey, why not throw Ricky Gervais in there for some antagonistic debates about religion, along with the obvious comments about his stint in the BB house in his sitcom ‘Extras’. Jack Black would also, obviously, be the dream as well. I also feel that Evan Peters could add some strangely insidious vibes, after American Horror Story.

One can dream, but for now the statistics board better make that 501,000.

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