Social Notworking: Confessions of a FaceTweetoholic

Pluto delves into the life of self confessed social media junkie, our Online Editor, Adam Legg, to see what his average day would consist of and why he has taken his addiction to the extreme.

So, I have just turned my computer on and I’m already on Facebook. In the background, Twitter is popping away on my phone as I’ve, yet again, got into another argument on the social networking site that I probably shouldn’t have done. I don’t even remember typing Facebook it into my browser. It’s like an involuntary reaction. I think I need help.

It may be viewed as sad by some, but I don’t think there is a time in the day when I’m not connected up to either of these sites. With mobile technology constantly evolving to stick Mark Zuckerburg in my face at all times, I think it’s pretty hard not to be two seconds away from seeing whether someone has liked my status yet.

Addicted...Social media is the biggest threat to Adam's degree. Image: Jason Howie (Flickr)
Addicted…Social media is the biggest threat to Adam’s degree. Image: Jason Howie (Flickr)

What’s my excuse? As Homo sapiens, we are, at heart, highly social creatures. Evolution has given us Facebook, popcorn, and an argument that’s worth constantly refreshing the page for; I don’t even like popcorn. I’m not sure, however, why arguments keep happening on my statuses.

It’s not like I start them either. I’ll be on my Xbox, again signed into Xbox Live, another social erm… thing, and I’ll think: “Oh! I haven’t checked Facebook in a while!” I’ll look down to see that Such and Such and 73 million others have commented on my status. Somewhere along the way of me writing a generic status about how much I like cookies, an argument has broken out.

The 21st century has seen the rise of the keyboard warrior. People will happily sit behind a screen and smash their keyboards in until kingdom come in order to get their point across. It has also seen the rise in the art of the troll.

Going back to the wonder that is, we see that the definition of trolling is as follows:

2. “The art of deliberately, cleverly, and secretly pi**ing people off, usually via the internet, using dialogue. Trolling does not mean just making rude remarks: Shouting swear words at someone doesn’t count as trolling; it’s just flaming, and isn’t funny. Spam isn’t trolling either; it pi**es people off, but it’s lame.” (Urban Dictionary: 2009)

I prefer the first definition however:

1. “Being a p***k on the internet because you can. Typically unleashing one or more cynical or sarcastic remarks on an innocent by-stander, because it’s the internet and, hey, you can.”

Personally I blame, 9 times out of 10, trolling for arguments on my newsfeed, or even on my twitter feed. Terrible, terrible trolls, when will I ever be rid of you? You do, however, make my social media life more interesting; therefore to you I tip my imaginary hat and blame you for my social media addiction.

Even as I write this, it’s taken me a couple of hours so far, I am checking my Facebook and Twitter as people send me messages/tag me in posts/show me funny pictures of cats, which, I believe, nicely outlines what I find wrong with social media in general: It’s a massive black hole of time.

I can’t begin to tell you how many assignments I would have handed in SO MUCH EARLIER than 30 minutes before deadline if Facebook didn’t exist. Just under YouTube, it has to be one of the biggest procrastination tools created by mankind.

Therefore Facebook and Twitter are the biggest threats to my degree (I’m not the only one!) and I should probably work as hard as I can to cut them out of my life altogether! As a double act, they severely decrease my productivity and increase the stress I feel about my workload.

Students of UCLan! We should band together in order to rid ourselves of the social slavery that these oppressive institutions invade our lives with! We cannot afford to let our degree slip away from our hands due to the oppressive regime of social…

Brb, I have a notification.

Are you too addicted to social media? We’d love to hear your confessions in the comments below…

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