The Exorcist is Coming To Stage!

Georgie Clark

There are only two ways people could react to the monumental news that the 1973 horror classic, The Exorcist, is coming to a stage near them: ecstatic delight or pure, unadulterated terror.

Personally, I have a few questions as well. For one, how are they going to make the possessed child’s head spin around? (Spoiler alert, but pretty sure that everybody knows that happens unless they have been living in a tree). Also, is someone actually going to walk down the stairs in the crab position? For people that do not know, that involves lifting yourself up from lying on your back and walking around, pained, like a crab. My tiny mind cannot comprehend these things happening, live, before my very eyes.

However, it could be totally re- made and not include the iconic and horrifying scenes at all. Surely it will contain the occasional floating- from- the- bed scene, as these moments are typically crucial in the exorcism process (apparently) according to strong and reliable sources such as The Devil Inside, the Last Exorcism, The Very Last Exorcism (?!?!!?) and so forth. According to the director John Doyle, the play will differ dramatically to the film, whilst sticking lightly to the storyline.

Visually, it will not be what any of us would expect at all. Whilst this is slightly disappointing, the prospect of a totally re- thought and modern day Exorcist is fairly thrilling. They could do anything, but hopefully not what every director of every horror film after the 90s appears to be doing. This seems to involve following a religiously strict decree involving a possessed doll, a possessed child or simply a child that has a vague aura of creepiness and it is eventually revealed that they are… possessed. This will then be followed by doors slamming, worried parents peering cautiously into their cellars and somebody inexplicably speaking in tongues.

By the sounds of things, Doyle appears to be finally dragging the horror genre onto the next level that it desperately needs to be on. There are so many potential routes for him to take in order to do the film justice, even if a part of me will want to shed a glistening tear when he doesn’t include the spinning head. Or the crab walk, that I have shamefully perfected over the years.

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